Friday, August 14, 2009

Circuitous Route

We have had too much cloud cover to see meteors. Cloudy weather seems to happen every year around now. This is the time of year that serves as what my husband refers to as a "saving throw" for the lawn. We get some rain, we get some cool weather, and we can see ahead of us the glimmer of hope that is the end of the kids' summer break. I love my kids but I like to see school start again. We take the whole of life to be an educational opportunity, but strict academics have their merits!

My class reunion is this weekend but I've got other things going on so I won't be attending. So many things have happened in the intervening years that these reunions are like a fast-forward track. Some of the worse stuff has been skipped over, some of the good stuff too. The stories of our lives need the all of the little parts knitted together to create a truly realistic view of our travels through time. A reunion doesn't do that, so I'm not as sad about attending as I may have otherwise been.

I'm starting to feel "old" though I have little reason to do so. I am still relatively young and there are still more years than behind, not that this should make any difference. What I feel eeking away with the natural color of my hair is the idea that I need to worry what others think about me, the choices I've made and the life I have now embraced as fully my own; I am not a daughter, I am a parent; I am not a girlfriend, I am both a wife and partner; I am not the bad stuff of my life; I am the person who got through the bad stuff to embrace the good things; I am not my bank account, but I am my beliefs, actions and words. Most of all, I don't need excuses to be who I am. If I am not what I want, I still have time to change it.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Ebb and Flow

My lastest non-fiction writing project has been a lot tougher than I thought since it was semi-biographical. I'm finding that I have little in the way of completed sections because they are too hard to revisit and therefore impossible to edit at present. It's time to put it away again. I've pulled it out a few times over the last two years or so and it will now return to its former home just a little more fleshed-out. At some point I think I will finish it but not yet.

Now my newest non-fiction project is just rolling. It's fun!! It is not so much about the mistakes I can never correct and is instead about the ones I was able to correct. There is nothing (very) embarassing for the others who have become players in this story--mostly because those players are my kids and husband and they are always willing to laugh at their own silliness and misconceptions.

I love this little family of mine. They encourage me and make everything 200% more interesting than I ever thought it would be. Even the stressful times are full of laughter and tender moments.