Friday, August 14, 2009

Circuitous Route

We have had too much cloud cover to see meteors. Cloudy weather seems to happen every year around now. This is the time of year that serves as what my husband refers to as a "saving throw" for the lawn. We get some rain, we get some cool weather, and we can see ahead of us the glimmer of hope that is the end of the kids' summer break. I love my kids but I like to see school start again. We take the whole of life to be an educational opportunity, but strict academics have their merits!

My class reunion is this weekend but I've got other things going on so I won't be attending. So many things have happened in the intervening years that these reunions are like a fast-forward track. Some of the worse stuff has been skipped over, some of the good stuff too. The stories of our lives need the all of the little parts knitted together to create a truly realistic view of our travels through time. A reunion doesn't do that, so I'm not as sad about attending as I may have otherwise been.

I'm starting to feel "old" though I have little reason to do so. I am still relatively young and there are still more years than behind, not that this should make any difference. What I feel eeking away with the natural color of my hair is the idea that I need to worry what others think about me, the choices I've made and the life I have now embraced as fully my own; I am not a daughter, I am a parent; I am not a girlfriend, I am both a wife and partner; I am not the bad stuff of my life; I am the person who got through the bad stuff to embrace the good things; I am not my bank account, but I am my beliefs, actions and words. Most of all, I don't need excuses to be who I am. If I am not what I want, I still have time to change it.

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